Hi, my name is Ashley Sumner, and I live in Oakland, California, and my origin story is one of Revelation. Revelation took place 20 years ago that I am a gay woman, and I needed to come out to my very southern, very, very religious mother in 2004. So even though I live in Oakland, California, I was raised in North Carolina, and I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness by my mother. And if you know anything about the Jehovah's Witness faith, it's very similar to Mormons in that gay people are just--that's really not an option.

[LAUGHS] Being gay is just not cool. It is not accepted, particularly back then. And you could be excommunicated. And, you know, if you had a family member who was queer or a kid who was queer, you're encouraged not to associate with them. It was, it was hardcore. So, on top of the religious environment that I was raised in, there was also a geographical environment, which was North Carolina and during that time North Carolina and still today. Unfortunately, is not really the most gay friendly state you'll ever step foot in. So, you know, I grew up knowing I was different. You know, my friends had posters of Justin Timberlake in their bedroom with the Backstreet Boys, and I had posters of Agent Dana Scully and Jody Foster in my bedroom.

So,I definitely knew I was different, but you know, the revelation that I was a Lesbian, and that I was a gay woman, you know, didn't happen until after I left college, left the state of North Carolina and moved to Los Angeles. Because in NorthCarolina, there was, and this is also pre -internet, pre -Instagram, you know, Ellen DeGeneris hadn't even come out of the closet yet. There was really no, like, nowhere to look outside of, you know, television or the internet for representation. I mean, there wasn't even the internet as we understand it today. So,if you were queer and trying to figure it out, you were kind of on your own. So, it wasn't until I moved to Los Angeles where, you know, there's West Hollywood and there's an enormous gay community and they are out loud and they are proud and there are so many lesbians. Beautiful lesbians there, and just such a vibrant life in a state that really celebrates its diversity. You know, encourages its diversity, it's a safe space to figure things out. And it did not take long before I was in California, before I had my first girlfriend. So, on the one hand, there was this tremendous elation at discovering my truth. And there was also this dread on the other side of that coin because I had to come out to my family, to my mother who was very close tome and I was very close to her. And I was so afraid that I would lose her when she found out that I was gay and just a tremendous fear about that, but you know my mom you know she was picking up on clues like you know why I'm always hanging around these girls or one particular girl all the time. And where are you where are you going all I'm going out with such and such and you know such and such was my girlfriend.

So she put two and two together and then one day on the phone she asked me, you know, are you seeing men anymore or what actually? And I said, mom, I can't have this conversation on the phone. I'll talk to you next time I'm home. Click. Well, I went home about two weeks later and I can't bring up the conversation.I just can't like, you know, it's this elephant in the room and she knows what's coming. And I just couldn't bring it up. And so my mom, you know, I'm leaving in like a day, and we still haven't talked about this thing. And my mom says to me, let's go to the zoo.And at that point, my family was now living in Dallas, Texas. And so we went to the Dallas zoo, 'cause zoos, my mom and I, it's what we did, all the time. We went to zoos, just growing up, it's what we did. So here we are at the zoo and I'll never forget it, we're approaching the giraffe exhibit and my mother says to me, "So what was it you were wanting to tell me on the phone?" And right there in front of the giraffes, I came out of the closet to my very southern, my very religious, steel magnolia mother and I was in tears and I told her everything and I said, "I'm so afraid you're not going to love me anymore." She said, "Ashley, you're my daughter. I will always love you and you will always be in my life." I cannot tell you the revelation, the relief at that revelation that yes I'm gay but it doesn't mean that I have to lose my family, which I'm very lucky because some people do. Was that revelation of knowing I could still have my mother and still live my truth was tremendous and you know over the next few years you know it's taking her a time you know, she's, you know, it's the one thing to accept it, but then to really be like, oh, it's not a phase. You know, she's taken her time and she's evolved. And I'm happy to say 20 years later, you know, she loves my wife, Beth. She, you know, is so supportive, could not be better. Like, you know, this story has a happy ending. So that's my revelation, my origin story and how I came out to my mom.